its been awhile..........

since i've posted in here...first got so depressed over tig i decided to stay away from this because it seems to be my 'outlet' for grief....then i finally got a job...now its not what kind of job i had hoped for, but its a job...and i work 3rd shift, and last week was my first full week and i had to do overtime by working friday night,,,so saturday night i was off and tonight back to work!! i am soo worn out by the time i get home i sleep til its time to go to work again..i guess i'm an injection mold operator? i simply take the pieces that are made and trim whatever or add brackets or whatever and package them up...its an easy job so far, but boy is it hotter than heck and i move alot!! i've lost 8 lbs in my first week,,,mostly because i only eat a yogurt on my lunch break....its so hot i don't want anything but cool...i was drinking a lot of mountain dew and now don't like it so finally gave in the other day and started drinking water...which i still don't like but it tastes as bad watered down as it does to start with!!lol...still miss my Tig very much...and the past few days Mr Husband has been a total asshat...which makes me miss Tig even more because he was my buddy and gave me loves ....now its just me..................off to take a nap for work tonight..........miss you so very much Tiggerboy....life sucks without you:(

more the same

am i starting to sound too repetitious?! yes its more of the same,,,staying awake all night, crying every now and then, crocheting like usual...a boring life?! well, i was awake til 1130 yesterday morning, then slept til about 6pm and now i've been awake since then...yesterday morning i decided to surprise hubby with breakfast, and while waiting for it to get done i went out on the deck to check the koi pond....last week he took the net off of it and i worry the crane will show up again...for over a year we had a big long legged bird out there early in the mornings munching down on our koi:( i'm worried he'll discover we no longer have the nets over the pond and come back for more seafood delight! while out there i saw something move through the corner of my eye, and looked over towards Tig's grave...there was a mommy and two baby kitties 'playing ' on tig's grave!! one kitty was up on one of the poles!! i knew there was a mama and babies somewhere out around our yard but i hadn't seen them in a few months...i don't think she really is a stray but is our neighbor's cat, but she doesn't keep her indoors nor very good care i don't think!! did my errands....made jeep payment, stopped by goodwill to see if i could find any broken up beads or jewelry or something like that for my crafting...got a couple of baby einstein vhs tapes that look like they've never been played...so when i'm babysitting grandbaby/s i have something to entertain them! stopped at the grocery store for hamburger buns...came home, dropped everything on the steps, and went to bed!! i finally checked the mail about 2 this morning...got two RAK packages from my ravelry buddies...one is a bunch of baby patterns and the other some nice yarn!! also got a sympathy card from one of Tig's vets, Dr Riggle....of course that made me bawl...........i sure miss him..........so now that its about 5am, i finished unloading and loading the dishwasher and washing a bunch of dishes by hand...i'm gonna go take a shower and go to bed........but i doubt i'll fall asleep for a few hours! sweet tigger baby kitty...i miss you and will always have you in my heart...i love you my baby boy.......................

two weeks

......since Tig passed away.....i still have crying spells but not as often, well, at least i try to tell myself its not as often.! my sleep schedule is still really screwed up...i've been awake now since about 3am...its about 11am...i've been busy working on things for ebay and my etsy store..i've decided to stop spending so much time doing online job applications because it hasn't done any good...my interview a few weeks ago i thought was good, but i didn't get the job...sooo, i decided to get more things made for my etsy store(winter is coming,,,hats/scarves....inexpensive homemade nice gifts!)...i actually crocheted a couple pairs of earrings this morning that i'm going to sew a bead in(next ones i'll actually do beading in them) and then put them along with a hat i made last night and two furry scarves in my etsy store, and i've been embellishing a lavishly ribbon embroidered rose beary for ebay...i was doing good,,,then the phone rang..........it was Tig's vet...wanting to know if Tigger was still with us........i said no, he passed away two weeks ago today...he then gave condolences and asked if he died at home...i said yes about 1115 pm...then i started to cry, and he said he knew we had done all we could for tigger,,,and i thanked him and.........cried.........now i've been up long enough for a headache to develop, so i'm gonna go try and get a couple hours of sleep....then wake up in time to get some errands run...and more crocheting...maybe even find another path into my craft room!! yesterday hubby and josh(future son in law) built a brick enclosure around tig's grave, then topped the grave with cement and a stepping stone in the middle of it that i had purchased right after his death...it looks really nice...eventually either i or hubby will do a woodburned 'headstone' for it,,,when its not so fresh and painful to think about.......tig mama misses you and loves you forever bunches...............

will it ever end?

i'm so tired of being tired...since tig's death i don't sleep during the normal sleeping hours, although i really didn't before he died, now i don't even attempt to go to bed til closer to 8 in the morning! really messed up, huh?! i then usually wake up sometime during the day briefly, come upstairs and check the messages on the phone(waiting for a job that i'm sure isn't going to happen now) and then go back to bed...and sleep most the day with hubby...its about 5am here...i've been crocheting, trying again to hurry and get some kritters done for both etsy and ebay, and i still find myself crying too much over tig....and for the 2nd time hubby has suggested i need a new kitty......but i promised tig i would not get another kitty..........
i think i'll try to get up earlier tomorrow and start getting my craft room in some kind of decent shape....its such a mess right now....i have a lot of crafts i want to work on again that i haven't in years, but i need to be able to get to my table, and i want to be able to sit in my rocker and crochet...right now its full of yarn(big bag)...and stuffed animals!! but, i need to go wake daughter up for her job.............and do a little more hookin..........miss you and love you forever my tigger baby:(

i'm tired..........

and about to go take a nap........i actually didn't go to bed until about 830 this morning!! my son and his wife decided to surprise us with a visit at about 2pm, just after i had woke up....i got dressed, disconnected the computer(it was a rental i thought about purchasing until i found out i can purchase the exact same computer from hp for half what i would have paid rent a center)....and took it back....my fsil got mine working again...yay! this actually 'died' the night we brought tig home from the hospital in june!! then i had to stop at the grocery store to get some cheese to make lasagna...
got home, and made a double batch of lasagna....and garlic bread....and sweet raspberry iced tea....and now i'm gonna go take a nap so i can be awake all night...
i thought i was doing pretty good yesterday with not thinking of tig too much, but by the middle of the night my mind wandered back to picturing him stretched out on the floor...he use to do that...i always asked him if he was trying to be 6 ft tall almost as tall as daddy.........i miss that little guy.......so i'm gonna try to get some kritters done and listed in my etsy store and on ebay....i have some done just need to photograph them....
........much love and miss you my sweet tig.............

another day almost done......

today was payday,,,and grocery shopping day..! once upon a time i really liked shopping, even grocery shopping.....but now i prefer to stay home in my jammies....people here just don't know how to drive....and i get road rage...not the kind that i would hurt someone, but man, i'd like to be able to give a ticket to every single person that does stupid behind the wheel!! and don't get me started on the idiots that park in the fire lane......i soooo wanted to jump out of my car and run up to this car that was parked in the fire lane(no parking) with his flashers on...just sitting there....i'm sure he was too lazy to park it somewhere and was waiting on someone...i wanted to ask him if he was ok, what the emergency was, and tell him to park it legally idiot!! but i refrained,,,,just kept driving by,,,mumbling words under my breath to myself...
on another note, i did buy a stepping stone that i saw at the grocery store...in the center is a cross and it says 'happiness lies in the heart of those who love' (i think thats what it said!)...i bought it to put on Tig's grave....
well off to get some kritter kreating done...made a bunch of tiny little flowers with tatting thread last night to embellish an angora beary....for ebay of course.....many hugs to you my tigger friend....miss you:(

a week........

.........has gone by already since my little Tig left this earthly world....and yes, i still cry alot...and yes i am still staying awake til i can't stay awake anymore...its 552am here and i have yet to go to bed....but i'm headed that way soon....must get up in a few hours and do some grocery shopping and then come home to my comfy jammies once again, and kritter kreate with my crochet hook til whenever....trying to think of something different for dinner though...probably meatloaf muffins....sounds gross, huh?....actually its just like making meatloaf, except instead of cooking it in a loaf pan you spray muffin pans and make individual meatloaves! my head is throbbing... i know its from lack of sleep........
in the past week i've passed on two jobs because i have been waiting to find out if i got the job at the hospital gift shop! they said they would decide by midweek this week, which has passed....the first job i passed up was working for some manufacturing place in Canton that makes car parts.....the thing i would have liked about that was the hours (3p-1a)overtime alot i guess.........and the pay........not the car part stuff! the other job, was at a sewing factory sewing things for the military...again, the hours were up my alley(3-12) and the pay was ok....and it wasn't very far from here....but when i took Josh in to the employment place this morning for his appointment, i talked to the lady who told me to call her this morning about that sewing job, and she said she called someone else and if they didn't get hired she would call me:( so hopefully, maybe i'll be lucky and get a call today from the hospital gift shop telling me i got the job and because of my previous cashier experience i'll get more than the $8.50 they start at(they said it depends on experience...i was a cashier for over 7 years!!)....
well, off to bed for now...will probably post again tonight....must keep myself busy...tonight and today will be rougher beings its been a week....and i sooo miss little Tigg.......much love my little boy....i miss you......