two weeks

......since Tig passed away.....i still have crying spells but not as often, well, at least i try to tell myself its not as often.! my sleep schedule is still really screwed up...i've been awake now since about 3am...its about 11am...i've been busy working on things for ebay and my etsy store..i've decided to stop spending so much time doing online job applications because it hasn't done any good...my interview a few weeks ago i thought was good, but i didn't get the job...sooo, i decided to get more things made for my etsy store(winter is coming,,,hats/scarves....inexpensive homemade nice gifts!)...i actually crocheted a couple pairs of earrings this morning that i'm going to sew a bead in(next ones i'll actually do beading in them) and then put them along with a hat i made last night and two furry scarves in my etsy store, and i've been embellishing a lavishly ribbon embroidered rose beary for ebay...i was doing good,,,then the phone rang..........it was Tig's vet...wanting to know if Tigger was still with us........i said no, he passed away two weeks ago today...he then gave condolences and asked if he died at home...i said yes about 1115 pm...then i started to cry, and he said he knew we had done all we could for tigger,,,and i thanked him and.........cried.........now i've been up long enough for a headache to develop, so i'm gonna go try and get a couple hours of sleep....then wake up in time to get some errands run...and more crocheting...maybe even find another path into my craft room!! yesterday hubby and josh(future son in law) built a brick enclosure around tig's grave, then topped the grave with cement and a stepping stone in the middle of it that i had purchased right after his death...it looks really nice...eventually either i or hubby will do a woodburned 'headstone' for it,,,when its not so fresh and painful to think about.......tig mama misses you and loves you forever bunches...............

will it ever end?

i'm so tired of being tired...since tig's death i don't sleep during the normal sleeping hours, although i really didn't before he died, now i don't even attempt to go to bed til closer to 8 in the morning! really messed up, huh?! i then usually wake up sometime during the day briefly, come upstairs and check the messages on the phone(waiting for a job that i'm sure isn't going to happen now) and then go back to bed...and sleep most the day with hubby...its about 5am here...i've been crocheting, trying again to hurry and get some kritters done for both etsy and ebay, and i still find myself crying too much over tig....and for the 2nd time hubby has suggested i need a new kitty......but i promised tig i would not get another kitty..........
i think i'll try to get up earlier tomorrow and start getting my craft room in some kind of decent shape....its such a mess right now....i have a lot of crafts i want to work on again that i haven't in years, but i need to be able to get to my table, and i want to be able to sit in my rocker and crochet...right now its full of yarn(big bag)...and stuffed animals!! but, i need to go wake daughter up for her job.............and do a little more hookin..........miss you and love you forever my tigger baby:(

i'm tired..........

and about to go take a nap........i actually didn't go to bed until about 830 this morning!! my son and his wife decided to surprise us with a visit at about 2pm, just after i had woke up....i got dressed, disconnected the computer(it was a rental i thought about purchasing until i found out i can purchase the exact same computer from hp for half what i would have paid rent a center)....and took it back....my fsil got mine working again...yay! this actually 'died' the night we brought tig home from the hospital in june!! then i had to stop at the grocery store to get some cheese to make lasagna...
got home, and made a double batch of lasagna....and garlic bread....and sweet raspberry iced tea....and now i'm gonna go take a nap so i can be awake all night...
i thought i was doing pretty good yesterday with not thinking of tig too much, but by the middle of the night my mind wandered back to picturing him stretched out on the floor...he use to do that...i always asked him if he was trying to be 6 ft tall almost as tall as daddy.........i miss that little guy.......so i'm gonna try to get some kritters done and listed in my etsy store and on ebay....i have some done just need to photograph them....
........much love and miss you my sweet tig.............

another day almost done......

today was payday,,,and grocery shopping day..! once upon a time i really liked shopping, even grocery shopping.....but now i prefer to stay home in my jammies....people here just don't know how to drive....and i get road rage...not the kind that i would hurt someone, but man, i'd like to be able to give a ticket to every single person that does stupid behind the wheel!! and don't get me started on the idiots that park in the fire lane......i soooo wanted to jump out of my car and run up to this car that was parked in the fire lane(no parking) with his flashers on...just sitting there....i'm sure he was too lazy to park it somewhere and was waiting on someone...i wanted to ask him if he was ok, what the emergency was, and tell him to park it legally idiot!! but i refrained,,,,just kept driving by,,,mumbling words under my breath to myself...
on another note, i did buy a stepping stone that i saw at the grocery store...in the center is a cross and it says 'happiness lies in the heart of those who love' (i think thats what it said!)...i bought it to put on Tig's grave....
well off to get some kritter kreating done...made a bunch of tiny little flowers with tatting thread last night to embellish an angora beary....for ebay of course.....many hugs to you my tigger friend....miss you:(

a week........

.........has gone by already since my little Tig left this earthly world....and yes, i still cry alot...and yes i am still staying awake til i can't stay awake anymore...its 552am here and i have yet to go to bed....but i'm headed that way soon....must get up in a few hours and do some grocery shopping and then come home to my comfy jammies once again, and kritter kreate with my crochet hook til whenever....trying to think of something different for dinner though...probably meatloaf muffins....sounds gross, huh?....actually its just like making meatloaf, except instead of cooking it in a loaf pan you spray muffin pans and make individual meatloaves! my head is throbbing... i know its from lack of sleep........
in the past week i've passed on two jobs because i have been waiting to find out if i got the job at the hospital gift shop! they said they would decide by midweek this week, which has passed....the first job i passed up was working for some manufacturing place in Canton that makes car parts.....the thing i would have liked about that was the hours (3p-1a)overtime alot i guess.........and the pay........not the car part stuff! the other job, was at a sewing factory sewing things for the military...again, the hours were up my alley(3-12) and the pay was ok....and it wasn't very far from here....but when i took Josh in to the employment place this morning for his appointment, i talked to the lady who told me to call her this morning about that sewing job, and she said she called someone else and if they didn't get hired she would call me:( so hopefully, maybe i'll be lucky and get a call today from the hospital gift shop telling me i got the job and because of my previous cashier experience i'll get more than the $8.50 they start at(they said it depends on experience...i was a cashier for over 7 years!!)....
well, off to bed for now...will probably post again tonight....must keep myself busy...tonight and today will be rougher beings its been a week....and i sooo miss little Tigg.......much love my little boy....i miss you......

another day, another tear.........

well, i still haven't got the hang of this blogging thing....haven't decided if its a public diary, journal, open letter to life! i'm doubtful anyone even knows its here! heck, i don't know how to let anyone know its here! i know, use common sense, but lately common sense has left the building and i'm still here...
i'm still having trouble dealing with my baby Tigger Kitty passing away last friday....i burst into tears unexpectedly when he suddenly appears in my mind! He became sick last month...and was diagnosed with chronic renal failure...so hard to comprehend how an indoor kitty that has not ever been sick in the 9 years we had him suddenly becomes so ill!! he was in the hospital for 3 days and we brought him home with the task of giving him an iv of fluids everyday forever....a task we gladly took on because he was so much part of our family....and he seemed to be getting better....until about 1 1/2 weeks ago, it all started again...the vomiting...we tried so hard again to keep him going....my sweet daughter sam helping me to try and force feed a little bit of food into tig each day...but by friday (7/17) it was obvious he was not going to get better...after his iv he suddenly wasn't able to walk....and that is all it took...we made the hard decision to have him put down....and i cried all day knowing what lay ahead..it was scheduled for saturday morning.....
but...i decided that i was going to have the vet do whatever he could to keep tigger alive....and i placed tig on our bed with his blankies....and constantly went downstairs to love him, and cry, and love him more.....
and then i decided to go get him to take him out on the deck for one last time....he always loved laying out on the deck....but this time....when i walked into the room, his eyes didn't move....just a stare....
i won't go into the details but it was his last moment of life.....we took him to a local animal hospital to have him put down or be sure he was gone....and he was......
so now my sweet Tigger Kitty watches down on me....he has a spot where his body is buried, but his spirit and soul are gone...i picture him frolicking around with our pets Snyper and Mandy and Angel kitty....who left us long ago....and i bet my dad is letting him curl up on his lap while he wets his fishing line!!
so i cry, unexpectdly, out of the blue, for my best friend tig....
for now its hard....i know it will eventually get easier...i hope it will get easier....but now.....i cry........
with much love forever to you my sweet Tig..........

What do i do now?.......

ok, so i'm new to this blog thing..i've read others blogs, browsed through a few, but never thought about having or doing one of my own, til now....sooo, what do i do now?? talk about my family? the sadness i'm experiencing right now for the loss of my baby tigger kitty a few days ago to chronic renal failure? go crazy in discussion about my favorite hobby...crocheting....especially kreating kollectible kritters??.....i think right now i'm going to go pour myself a glass of sweet raspberry tea, sit my behind down in my comfy big chair, and kritter kreate!....more words will come later:)